It is a tradition here at The Martial Way for me to hand out our annual “goals” sheet this time of year. On it, I ask you to write down your New Year’s resolutions in a few different areas of your life. It is very important that we do this so we can take charge of our lives. Otherwise, well... life takes charge of us. But goals have gotten kind of a bad rap, and we tend to joke about them because only 8% of people who set goals, actually achieve them (Forbes online Jan, '13.) I read somewhere else, (sorry I don't remember where,) that most don’t even make it past February before they quit trying. YIKES!
In light of that, and before we even get into goals, I want to explore WHY that is and then give you your FIRST TASK. In the spirit of Martial Arts and The Martial Way, we are here to PERSEVERE, so let's shatter this dismal percent and get a much better success rate!
So, why don’t people meet their goals? I think there are three main reasons, but this week I am only going to discuss Reason #1.
Reason #1 is that WE HAVE A FAULTY MINDSET FROM THE START. We, meaning most people (except the really young who haven’t been tainted yet by life’s many voices that reside inside our head), tend to consistently look at how far we need to go instead of how far we have come.
This stems from that “I’ll be happy when….” mentality. I’ll be happy when…. I lose weight.... I get married.... I get the promotion.... I make x amount of dollars.... I have a better_______. And for teens, it might be I’ll be happy when…. I get better grades.... I have certain types of friends.... I get into the right college. This makes us only look at what we don’t have or what we didn’t accomplish, and that doesn’t feel good.
It seems hypocritical or paradoxical that I am saying this because on the one hand I am telling you it is good to set goals, yet on the other hand I am telling you that thinking "I’ll be happy when....” I meet those goals is bad. EXACTLY.
This is because when we BASE OUR HAPPINESS on meeting these goals, we put too much pressure on ourselves. That mindset sets us up for failure. We have to find a way to FEEL GOOD NOW. And when we do that, we just might believe we can meet those new goals.
So how do we do that? Well, by doing the opposite, BY FOCUSSING NOT ON HOW FAR WE NEED TO GO, BUT ON HOW FAR WE HAVE COME.
Even if you didn’t meet your goals last year---or didn’t have any to begin with---you have had many experiences that have caused you to grow. You can’t help it. It is part of life! Whether it appears positive or not, you are better and wiser. All you need to do is acknowledge it. If you are proud of yourself and happy where you are, it is much easier to meet new goals. You have to know what success feels like. If you know you have experienced it, you can believe that you can experience it again.
And this brings me to TASK #1. Let's start by looking at what we DID accomplish this past year. My challenge for you is to get a piece of paper and title it MY AWESOME ACHIEVEMENTS IN 2014, or something similar. Then give yourself about 10 minutes to brainstorm all the positive things you accomplished, achieved, or learned. Remember: Positive growth even comes from perceived negative experiences. After you have done this, ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR AWESOMENESS!
Remember to check back next week, and I will share the other 2 reasons I think people don't reach their goals and how to overcome these issues. Then I'll give you TASK #2!
Remember to check back next week, and I will share the other 2 reasons I think people don't reach their goals and how to overcome these issues. Then I'll give you TASK #2!
